Lockdown: Stress and how to handle it Part 2

I want to let you into a little secret about mental health…

Last year I was studying the chemical changes which occur within the brain when we experience stress, anxiety and low mood. During my studies, I discovered a little secret, that nobody really understands why anti-depressants work! There doesn’t appear to be much dispute that they do work but nobody is really sure why…

That being said, one of the best theories is that the higher levels of serotonin (the chemical which make us feel happy) created by selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors (SSRI Anti-Depressants) encourages the “neurogenesis” (regrowth of brain cells) mentioned in the previous post about stress. Now I am not suggesting that we all take anti-depressants to tide us over during this time (although if you need them then go for it, as they can be so helpful,) but there are some things which we can do to help naturally increase the serotonin in our brains. Serotonin is released into our brains when we experience positive interactions, activities and thoughts.

Positive Interaction: This is a little bit trickier than typical right now as our nation is on lockdown, but it is still really important. Yes, we should check in with our family and friends but the important part about the interactions helping us to release serotonin, is that they need to be positive. So, we need to make sure that we aren’t just contacting people with whom we feel a sense of duty but that we are also making sure we have good, fun, supportive interactions with humans that makes us feel great. Make calls, skype, email or just have a chat across the fence with your neighbours. (Please however do remember that positive interaction is really important for the vulnerable and elderly in our community so make sure that if you have the emotional energy spare you reach out.) Our local community has created an amazing volunteer group, and everyone is being so supportive it has become a really beacon of hope. If there isn’t one near you then perhaps you could start one? Whatever you decide to do please make sure you are engaging in positive interactions on a daily basis.

Positive Activities: We already talked about the importance of exercise in the previous post, but it is also important to plan and achieve other positive and pleasant activities within our day during the lockdown. Are there things we really enjoy but don’t often have the time for? Do we have old hobbies we have been neglecting? Or perhaps new hobbies we haven’t had he opportunity to try? For example, I have been toying the with the idea of learning to play Dungeons and Dragons for a long time and now is the perfect time to give it a go.

If you are like me then you may be struggling with feeling a bit useless and unproductive at this time. Especially if you can’t work from home or if you have been ill. You may be looking at the key workers and feeling that you can’t justify playing games or starting new hobbies when they are working so hard. Which is why I cannot stress enough that being a wee bit selfish right now and doing fun things is actually helpful to the whole country and it is doing your part. We have to stay home, and we have to take care of our mental well-being so please have fun!

Positive Thoughts: So here is a hard one! We are all going to be having some negative thoughts at points during this lockdown. It is perfectly natural and making ourselves think about positive things may be a little tricky. However, it is super important to maintaining good mental health. The Delai Lama teaches us that so often happiness comes from our attitude and our approach to events in our lives. If we live in a three bed home but compare ourselves to someone with a five bed a swimming pool we may feel poor and sad, but when we compare ourselves to someone say living in a tiny flat in a rough area, we may feel rich as kings. (I want to take a moment to acknowledge my privilege here which is something I am aware of and something I need to use for good. Many of us are super lucky just by virtue of being born and that gives us a huge advantage much of the time. I can’t advice or speak for those in minorities or pretend that I know how they feel but I can honour them, acknowledge their struggle and promise to always do my best to work towards equality.)

For now, yes we are in lockdown and it sucks so bad. However most of us are in homes with a roof over our heads, running water, heating, beds and food. Most of us are not homeless or trying to maintain social distancing within a refuge camp. Perhaps part of having positive thoughts can be about reminding ourselves what we do have and how lucky we are. Perhaps we can make lovely plans for the future to keep ourselves motivated on the difficult days. Maybe now is the time to start studying mindfulness and meditation. Whatever we decide to do, we need to keep out minds occupied, and we need to choose (where possible) to include positive thoughts into our day.

Quick recap: Nobody knows why antidepressants work; they increase levels of serotonin in the brain and it is thought that these higher levels encourage the brain to heal itself. Natural was of increasing serotonin are through positive interactions, activities and thoughts. We should try to engage in all of these to help maintain our mental health during this lockdown period. Even if we don’t feel like it… and it feels kind of like eating your greens as a kid. It’s important to your brains health so it is important to plan ways to include them all in your day.

Please share your positive interactions, activities and thoughts in the comments below.

Lockdown: Stress and how to handle it Part 1

So, it is Day 1 of the British Lockdown and day 10 of our family’s isolation.

We are all feeling the stress! Stress is natural and an appropriate at this time, but it can be really unhelpful for mental well-being.

I am gonna keep this short and sweet, (if I can.) The stress response releases a number of chemicals into our bodies to help us with our fight or flight response. One of these chemicals (Cortisol,) feeds our muscles with energy, so that we can either fight the bear (bad idea) or run away from said bear (better idea if you ask me.)

However, if our fight or flight response is triggered by Coronavirus and a nationwide lockdown, then we are unable to fight or run away. When this happens, our bodies remain flooded with Cortisol and it float about in our bodies. Unfortunately when Cortisol comes into contact with brains cells it can cause damage or even cell death. Particularly in serotonin pathway (the brain cells which create the happy chemicals.) As you can imagine the damage or death of brain cells in the serotonin pathway is bad for mental health (don’t panic your brain is very clever and can regrow cells when it is less stressed through Neurogenesis). However, in the short term, less happy chemicals, means less feelings of happiness, equalling lower mood.

It’s pretty hard to stop experiencing stress at this time because we have very little control over a COVID19 or the lock down; although there are somethings which we can do in order to help us manage stress better (we will cover these another day.) One of the best things we can do right now is to help our bodies to burn off this Cortisol so that it don’t repeatedly flood our brains, damaging cells. Since we can’t fight or run away from the bear, we need to find a way to replaces these actions and the best way to do this is through exercise!

Exercise will not only help us to burn off Cortisol, helping us to save brain cells in the serotonin pathway but will also encourage the brain to release Endorphins (the body’s natural opioids which make us feel good.)

During Lockdown we can get outside once a day for exercise. If you can do so safely, then use it! If you can be safe then, get outside with your family or alone and get some air in those lungs. If not then get some exercise indoors. Jump on YouTube and find yourself some indoor exercise programmes if you are stuck for ideas

In order to burn off this Cortisol you need to get your heart pumping and your muscles moving to simulate running away from the previously mentioned bear. This will give your brain a chance to stay safe during the lock down and help you keep your mood up. The release Endorphins will also be helpful with your mood during this time.

I am not gonna pretend that I think the Lockdown is going to be easy or that exercise is going to make everything better, but it can certainly help.

We are all in this together so perhaps we could comment and share how we are keeping ourselves active during this tough time.

Stay Safe!

Coronavirus, Isolation, and world wide Home Education!

Well this was a surprise! Is it just me or does it feel as if almost over night, the world has fallen apart and become completely mad?

All this Panic buying, No Loo Rolls, Pasta or Soap, then no Tinned foods. The Self Isolations, Social Distancing then Schools closing! Now its the Pubs, Restaurants, National Parks and Clothing stores! Now we are all Home Educating! You know it is bad when the Local Authority tell you not to bring your kids into school in case they get ill (funny how they didn’t listen for all those years when I was saying that my child was already ill)

I am writing to you on day 9 of Self Isolation after showing symptons! Yes I was pretty ill but no it probably wasnt Cornoavirus, although who knows! It seems to have some odd presentations.

Isolation as been an interesting ride so far. You certainly find out what you and your surrounding humans are made of; when a country or community goes through a crisis like this. Facing illness and your own anxieties about the future, whilst trying to care for your children and watching your friends and family go through the same.

The schools are closed! Can you even believe it? They are out of the summer and the whole World is Home Educating! What is that about? Well I mean I know but its gonna be super interesting. Home Education is amazing when you can get out and about (when you have had the chance to plan) but to have been thrown into this situation with very little warning is gonna be an interesting ride.

I havent been home educating for long but I was home educated as a child so perhaps we can all learn together! This blog was just going to follow the story of my family switching to Home Education and moving to wales but I think now we will perhaps try to add a bit more support and advice for those forced into Home Ed. Also a bit of ‘community spirit’ for those times when we have to Self Isolate and practise Social Distancing.

First things first take a deep breath! You do not need to have a plan or all the answers today! You do not need to Home Educate today. All the Home Education Groups suggest a period of De-Schooling before you start Home Ed anyways. So take that deep breath and give yourself a few days. It is okay if the kids watch TV or go on the game console more than normal!

Health, both Physical and Mental comes before education. Perhaps priorities getting some air today in a safe way (2 meters between your family and others,) doing some self care activities and having fun together. Maybe do some baking, play a game, hang out in the garden, plan an adventure for when this is all over, watch a movie, do a video calls with family or friends, get the arts and crafts out, or just let your kids play so that you can get tour feet under you. Take the pressure off of yourself, be kind to yourself and take care of your emotional energy or you may end up burning out (Please see articles on emotional energy)

Thing Four: Make sure you refill your cup…

Here is the hard part!

Having just written about emotional Burn Out in the last post it is now time to look at the importance of refilling your cup and how we do that!

If we imagine your energy is stored in a cup. Each time you do tasks for yourself or others, such as when you work, socialise and support people, then you are pouring a little bit more energy out of your cup. If this is the case then it stands to reason that you must make sure you refill that cup. As we said before, when that cup runs dry then we run the risk of Burning Out. Trust me! That is no fun.

Rest: To refill/or keep our cup we need to make sure we are getting the rest that our body needs. Obviously we all have the odd late night but if we keep burning the candle at both ends then not only are we not giving our cup time to refill while we sleep. It is also going to take much more energy for us to be pleasant throughout the day and using our tired brains in making decisions.

Re-fuel: We need to make sure we are re-fuelling our bodies well. If we are filling our bodies with quick junk food because we are too busy to make healthy food then we are going to start to suffer. We need to make sure that our diet will sustain our bodies and that we are drinking plenty of fluids. (note to self… go get a drink if water! Woman cannot live on coffee alone)

Exercise: I know this isn’t everyone’s favourite word especially when we are busy and/or already tired but it is so important to refilling that energy cup. Yes of course if you are fatigued you may actually need a nap not a jog around the park but once we have the rest and the food sorted we need to keep this body in good working order. If we don’t then we are going to run out of physical and then emotional energy quicker than we should. Exercise also releases good/happy chemicals into the brain which in turn helps refill than energy cup.

Do nice things: Do nice and enjoyable things for yourself! Yes! Yes this is important and guess what? It isn’t selfish to be a little selfish! If we are constantly doing things for others and run out of energy, then we will burn out and in turn need help from others. So it is actually less selfish to actually take time for ourselves to do the things which we enjoy. This will help us to keep our energy cup fuller and keep us as a functioning member of society!

Spend time with nice people: Spend time with people who’s company makes you happy and feel good. If you feel your cup running empty then take stock of who you are spending time with. Yes we need to support our children (if we have them,) perhaps if we can we should help our family and friends however we also deserve to feel good. We deserve to spend time with people who make us feel good, who make us laugh and who help us feel better, fuller, by the time we leave not more drained.

Think pleasant thoughts: Take time to think about and plan pleasant things! If you are feeling drained it is very likely that you have been thinking a lot about things which you need to do, things which might be challenging, maybe you have even been worrying. You may have also been planning lots of tasks which are draining on your time and energy. You deserve to spend time on you! Thinking and planning those nice things you are going to do and those nice people you are going to spend time with.

Stop giving away so much energy! As we come to the end of this post, I want to give you a little heads up about our next post which will be about working out which things we should give our energy too and which things we should not give a hoot about. I will warn you that there may be a teeny bit of swearing in our next post… Don’t say that I didn’t tell you.

Thing Three: Burn Out…

Burn Out… (what people never tell you.)

So Burn Out is defiantly a thing! It happens even to the very best of us.

No, it does not mean you are crazy; no, you should not be annoyed with yourself because you are crying but you don’t know why. You are tired!!!! Your body has had enough. It has given you all it can give you and it needs you to stop! One extra early night is not gonna cut it. You need to listen to your body. Time to rest!

Burn Out happens when we let our cup of energy run dry. It is not pretty and yes we all wish we had listened to our bodies sooner but we didn’t! So here we are burnt out and feeling like death warmed up.

Burn Out has/is happening to me right now! There is a part of me that would like to hide this from the world. I want to pretend that all is well. However all is not well and I think that sometimes it is important that we allow people to know that they are not alone.

I could feel it coming before I pulled my kids out of school. The tiredness where not just my eyes felt tired but my whole body felt exhausted. I couldn’t finish the end of my sentences or make sensible conversation. I have had 12 months of stress from the Local Authority not believing that my daughter was ill or disabled (even though she was diagnosed and medicated by her consultant.) This was following on from many months of her being very unwell, and six years of being blamed for her behaviour challenges and other issues which arise from her disability. I have been to court once accused of emotional abuse (and won) but then have been threatened with court repeatedly because of her low school attendance and threaten again this summer with court because of “emotional abuse.”

Yes it is over and yes I have been (unofficially cleared) but I am utterly exhausted. My daughter is still unwell and still disabled (funnily enough!) I am still a lone parent and still trying to squeeze work and study around being a fulltime carer for one child and regular parent for the other. So here I am with a messy house, having eaten far too much ice cream lately and very definitely Burnt Out!

If you have never experienced an empty energy cup, I will try and describe it to you. You feel as though no amount of sleep will ever be enough, in fact you regularly catch yourself eyeing up a patch of floor and wondering if anyone will notice you napping in the corner. I have days where even throwing the stick for the dog has felt like too much effort. You just can’t wake up in the morning and even making the words for sentences feels too hard. Thinking becomes like swimming through treacle and your fuse is much shorter than it should be. Being burnt out does share a fair few symptoms with depression but I am feel sure that it is slightly different. You aren’t sad, you are just flipping shatter and have NO ENERGY left.

In the next post I will cover what kinds of things are helpful to refill your energy cup but for now I just want to say that if you are burnt out, it is okay. So many of us have been here or are here right now. Give yourself a hug and be kind to yourself.

Perhaps you could share in the comments some of the symptoms of burn out which I may have missed, because lets face it I am currently burnt out and thinking through treacle…

Thing Two: Emotional Vampires…

Beware the Emotional Vampire, who sneaks about sucking other peoples energy!

We all have them, people and things in our lives whom suck the energy right out of us.

Maybe you were feeling just fine but spend an hour or two with this person or have to do this thing and afterwards you need a nap!

Emotional Vampires of course don’t do this on purpose, they are probably having rough time in life and you make them feel better. However they are not taking responsibility for their own emotional issues and are slopping their “baggage all over you! You probably feel as though you are ‘helping them’ or that they ‘need you’ but perhaps it would help to ask yourself “am I really helping them or just enabling them to keep avoiding responsibility for their own feelings?” Perhaps they do ‘need someone’ but does it have to be you? Do you have the energy to spare or do you need it for yourself and your responsibilities?

The same with ‘Vampire Things’ they disguise themselves as things which you ‘need to do’ but it is okay to stop and ask yourself if you really need to do them or if it would be better for you if you didn’t. Perhaps it is a family dinner or a work do that you just don’t have the energy for. Perhaps you would feel better if you stayed home and had some ‘Me Time.’

As you are taking the time to assess your levels of emotional energy, how full or empty your cup is. Try and also take a bit of time to identify Emotional Vampires, be they people or things, that absolutely suck the life out of you! Are there any that you can let go? If you can then let them go! Be free and take care of you. If you can then be mindful of them so you can prepare before and rest after.

Once you have taken stock of your Emotional Energy levels and identified some of the key suckers in your life, the next thing to do is to discover ways of refilling that Cup of Energy. Figuring out which people and activities bring you joy and fill that Cup.

Do you have any thoughts or comments you wish to add about Emotional Vampires? Please comment below

Thing One: Protect Your Emotional Energy!

I reconnected with an old friend yesterday and we were talking about life, the ups and downs. They asked me what advice I would give someone who was trying to rebuild their life and had some emotional challenges. I wasn’t sure right away but then I thought “what really important, life changing things do I wish I had known sooner” and then I was well away with a whole bunch of stuff that I wish people had told me or that I had managed to learn somehow a long time ago. This got me to thinking that this might be a good series to write about. Perhaps a lot of people already know this stuff but if there are one or two that don’t, then it will be well worth it.

Thing One: Protect Your Emotional Energy!

Protect your Emotional Energy! It is your life line. It is what keeps you going on the toughest days. When you need to have a difficult conversation with your ex, a teacher, your boss or in my case a social worker (ugh.) When you have to attend a meeting or event that you really don’t want to! or listen to your child tell you one more awful joke. Your emotional energy gives us the get up and go to take care of our health, to eat right, to exercise, to take care of our appearance, to make interesting conversation and to be creative.

We all know what it feels like to be emotionally drained and once we run out of energy we risk burn out. Yes it is wonderful and good to help other people (some of the time) but when we do so at our own expense then we end up no longer being able to help anyone or even ourselves. We might even end up needing to be helped rather than being able to give help. This is why I say protect your emotional energy like the precious commodity that it is. Emotional Energy is not something we can buy or replace on a monthly standing order, it is something we have to work to replace and therefore needs protecting.

Also nobody ever taught me that it was okay to take care of myself. It was okay to be a little bit selfish and put my needs first. The examples I saw and read about encouraged me to help others no matter what the personal sacrifice to me. I also believed that I wouldn’t be acceptable or likeable if I wasn’t always helping others. That people only keep me around because they needed me but this is a story for another day.

I want you to imagine that you have a cup (I know this isn’t an original idea, but it works for me, you could imagine a vase, jug, bowl whatever takes your fancy) full of Emotional Energy, every time we do anything it takes energy. Some activities also give energy often more than they take and these activities are great for refilling your cup (we will look at these soon) but many activities take energy. Imagine that every time you do one of these activities you are pouring out of your cup and it becomes a little emptier.

Eventually if you keep pouring from that cup with out refilling it you will become empty and emotionally exhausted. Lets face it none of us look pretty when we are emotionally exhausted! I would like you (if you want, I am not really bossy) to close your eyes for a moment, imagine your cup and take stock of how much emotional energy you have left in there? If you are anything like me when I first tried this exercise then your cup will be pretty empty! I want you to take a moment to remind yourself that this is your emotional energy, that you need this for you to survive and that it is yours to protect! Yes we all have a certain amount of responsibilities which we cant get out of but it is okay and necessary for you to protect your energy!

In our next article we will look at how to put emotional back into our cups but for now I just advise taking stock of your energy levels and seeing if there is anything taking emotional energy from you which you cannot afford to give. Is there anything you can cut out, or pause for a while to give you time to rebuild your energy levels? What can you do to Protect your Emotional Energy.

Please comment if you have any of your own advice or ideas which you would like to share!

Deregistration!

Writen 23 – 01 – 2020

Well today is the day that I deregister the kids from school. Ready to home educate!

I have done it a day early so they can tell their friends that tomorrow is their last day. I was up late trying to get the wording right and thinking about if this is pure generous or the craziest thing I have ever done in my life.

Its a huge choice, a big change, which is actually terrifying as my kids are still on a child protection plan!

Yeah… Yeah… I have been cleared but it wont be official until March and although it might be sensible to wait until this is all finished, I don’t think that waiting is in the best interest of my kids.

So it’s time to suck it up and do this.

Nervo-cited (is that even a word?)

Early Warning Signs: Part 1

Are You Walking on Egg Shells?

Do you feel like you are constantly walking on egg shells when around your partner?

Are you (and if you have children are they) constantly wondering what kind of mood your partner will be in when you see them next? Do you feel like the slightest wrong step could set them off? When you make a wrong move are you worried about your partner’s reaction? Do they have unwritten rules that no matter how hard you try, you always find yourself breaking? 

Their reaction doesn’t have to be violent to be abusive (although it could be) in lots of cases the abuse starts off verbally with belittling and bullying, name calling and shouting. Knocking your self esteem and confidence until you begin to doubt yourself.

Do you feel jumpy and on edge around your partner and maybe even around other people. Perhaps even when they are actually being kind? I still did a long time after the abuse stopped, but for me this is a PTSD style, left over reaction to abuse in a previous relationship.

If you are feeling on edge and jumpy around your partner, then it could be an early warning sign that the relationship is abusive.

If you feel concerned about your relationship or any thing you think could potentially be a warning sign in your life, then it is really important that you find support and someone to talk to. Perhaps a friend or trust worthy family member, a doctor or counsellor, someone who can talk with you and help you to stay safe.

In the UK Women’s Aid is a great source of support for women and Man Kind is a good source of support for guys